New Headshots!

I've been waiting until the craziness of the holidays to be over before posting my new headshots for all to see.

After my unfortunate encounter with the Bitchy Headshot Photographer Who Shall Not Be Named, I told the story to one of my colleagues at The Restaurant, and he recommended the very talented Keri Shean.

Keri is a student at the Fashion Institute of Technology, and she'd taken some photos for him and his band. She and I exchanged a couple of messages via Facebook and quickly set up a time and place to meet.

She was great to work with. She really listened to what I wanted the shots to look like, and jumped in with her own suggestions. She was the one who suggested we shoot on the Highline, the above ground railroad tracks that now serves as a park.

We ended up having to push our shoot back a week. It was beautiful weather up until the day we were supposed to meet, and then it was pouring. So we met on the same day next week, only to find the skies frighteningly overcast.

We were only able to shoot for twenty minutes before the rain started. I tore through blouse changes like a house on fire. (I was wearing a flesh-colored tank top underneath everything, but I still got a few uncomfortable stares).

She promised we could meet again if I didn't get what I was looking for, but when she gave me the CD a few days later, I was impressed at how much we got. I ended up choosing all my shots from the pictures we took in those first twenty minutes.

Here they are, still sans-Photoshop to take away the Fiona Apple-esque bags under my eyes. The McNally Eyes, my father calls them.



I think they are a nice assortment of McNallys. Counting the one at the top, I have six altogether, so I can choose which one I think best fits the casting I'm submitting for. That's almost a McNally for every day of the week. Monday through Saturday, and then for Sundays, I can use this one:

Smartphones are making us dumb...

On my way to the audition at 20 Jay Street, I realized a little too late that my iPhone had given me the wrong directions, prompting me to get off the F train at Jay Street-Metrotech and walk fifteen minutes back towards Manhattan. If the people at Apple really wanted to make the Apple update appealing, they would have made Siri a 56 year old New Yorker who knows the quickest way to get anywhere, when taking the bus just isn't an option.

Once my GPS confirmed that I was going the right way, I put the phone back in my pocket and began the walk back up to DUMBO, occasionally checking the map on my phone as the uber-hipster landscape began to unfold before me. Then, as I passed Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass, I came to 20 Jay Street.

Now, I had read the email several times. I knew that this was the address. But since I got my iPhone, I have gotten into the habit of glancing at emails, websites, maps and messages without actually absorbing any information, knowing that I can just look it up. Someone will invite me out to a restaurant and I don't even look up what neighborhood it's in until I'm already on the train.

So though in my heart I knew that this was the right building, I still felt the need to check my map and confirm. The phone caught on the edge of my pocket and I felt the tell-tale yank on my headphones that signifies, "you are about to drop your very expensive phone."

Not to worry, I bought a cushion-y case to shield Tim the iPhone from my frequent dropping.

Then, I watched in horror as Tim the iPhone skidded across the cobblestones, and landed with a PLOP in the middle of the only puddle on Water Street. (The irony occurred to me only after I'd finished crying hysterically.) At least three people witnessed its demise, and all three of them stopped to offer their sympathies. New Yorkers might be callous and hard about most things, but I guess some pain in universal.

But one young man went above and beyond. He was walking behind me when it happened, and rushed to my side immediately. As I stood, completely shell-shocked, trying to wipe the phone off on my sleeve, he took me step-by-step through exactly what I needed to do to save my phone.

Turn it off immediately. DO NOT turn it back on.
Get some uncooked rice, and put the phone in it. The rice will absorb all the moisture.

"Don't lose hope," he said, "it might be okay."

And then he was gone. He's pretty much responsible for the successful recovery of Tim the iPhone (spoiler alert--he's as good as new). Wish I could thank him, but I don't know who he is.

Now, I've heard of the rice thing before, but I was so completely shocked that I never would have thought of it. So I raced into the nearest Organic Produce and Grass-Fed Meat store, bought a $5 bag of rice (thanks hipsters) and stuck my phone in it. I tied it up in the recycled plastic bag and buried it deep in my purse along with my feelings.

And then I was alone on the street. I didn't know what time it was, nor what floor of the building the audition was on. I couldn't call to ask, and the building's fancy touch-screen directory yielded nothing. I couldn't call my Mom and cry to her, and I didn't know where the York Street subway stop was. And Oh my God what if something happens to me and I can't call 911? Immediately I felt like a target for muggers and murderers (at noon on a Tuesday) as if there was a big sign above my head that read, "Can Only Call For Help Vocally."

And then I remembered: The world has existed without cell phones. When people actually had to make plans ahead of time, pick a place to meet and actually be there on time. When we didn't call each other from across the mall to say, "I'm by Maternity. I see you, turn to your left and walk straight." We used our voices and waved our arms, remember?

Furthermore, I remember the world without smartphones, when people actually had to retain information, like where subway stops were. And if you were watching TV and saw an actor you knew from some other movie, you couldn't just pull out your pocket-sized computer and gain access to a whole list of everything they've ever done. You had to remember or it would bug the crap out of you.

I checked that email four times and I still didn't trust that I knew the address.

Is this what I've become? Someone who can't remember a brunch date without a little reminder that pops up while I'm playing DoodleJump? Have a really lived in New York my entire life and still don't know how to find the freaking F train?

I found the York Street subway stop on my own, went back to Midtown, crashed The Boyfriend's office and threw myself into his arms. Then, with an hour and a half until I had to be at work, and no way of knowing when that hour and a half would be up, I went to Starbucks ordered a Grande Bold and I realized:

I need a fucking watch.

Urban Dictionary Number Three

Never let it be said that Pete and Josh don't know how to seize an opportunity.

The annual Doritos "Crash the SuperBowl" contest has come around, and they decided to make an Urban Dictionary-themed entry.

The term is Dorit-O-Face, and if you'd like to know what it means... see for yourself:

DORIT-O-FACE 002 from josh apter on Vimeo.

Halloween 2011

If this whole acting thing doesn't work out, maybe I have a future in costume construction.


This is me as Dani from HBO's Game of Thrones.

And this is The Boyfriend as Ser Jorah Mormont.

Do yourself a favor...

The next time you're on Pandora, type in "Sunny Came Home" by Shawn Colvin. Almost every song that comes up on this station is guaranteed to make you go "Oh YEAH!" and regress to sitting in your room flipping through your CD collection while putting off doing your Social Studies homework. Some favorites so far have been "Sex and Candy," "She's So High," "Story of a Girl," "One Headlight" and "The Way" by Fastball (you know this one, trust me).

It's doing its job right now, which is to distract me from what I believe to be a rejection from a headshot photographer.

What happened:
I went to a wonderful workshop recently with a Commercial casting director who gave me some wonderful feedback. Among that feedback was the fact that I need new headshots.

For one thing, my hair is much different. It's about twice as long and I think I'm going to keep the length in hopes of doing a sexy, Sophia Vergara kind of thing. But also I only have one shot, and she asked me, "Is this your commercial or legit headshot?"

I believe my exact reply was, "Huggghhhn."

SO I've decided that this time around, I'm going to get at least five different pictures to be mixed and matched according to the role I'm submitting for, and lucky for me, she recommended a photographer.

I reached out, and we started talking about when we could shoot. He wanted to go right away, but I wanted a little more time. For one thing, I need a hair cut. Right now it's looking less like Sophia Vergara and more like I haven't had a spare $30 to get a trim in the last year and a half. For another thing, though I was getting a HUGE discount due to my referral I still needed about a week to pick up the dinner shifts at The Restaurant that would give me the available funds.

SIDE NOTE: Jewel's "Foolish Games" just game on. This Pandora station is like a Highlander flashback.

So though he suggested that we shoot Monday, I sent him back an email saying, "This Monday is actually not good for me." Which was very true, since I had tickets to go see an Andrew Bird concert in Poughkeepsie with Best Friend Cate. "How does next Monday work for you?"

He'd suggested Monday on Thursday the 13th. I sent my response on Friday the 14th. I didn't receive a reply until that Monday the 17th, which was the day he'd wanted to shoot:


And that was it.

So, I sent one more reply, starting with the phrase, "Ha ha," as if the snarkiness was all in good fun, and offered a few more days that would work for me and thanking him for his patience with my scheduling issues, but I have heard nothing from him since.

Now, in response to the headshot drama, I've found a new photographer who is fabulous and much more patient. As soon as I shoot with her I'll post links to her stuff and our photos. Also she's much cheaper so suck it "professional" photographer who shall not be named.

Now, I haven't posted any names but I still had a lot of trouble deciding whether or not to post this entry. I'm hesitant to defame or "call someone out" on this blog. But let me just say, almost everyone now has a blog or a Twitter or a LinkedIn profile or what have you. Not all of us are lucky enough to have an assistant editor of the New York Times who was once quoted using a homophobic slur to camouflage them in a Google search (thanks Michele McNally!)
So my feeling is, Don't Be a Dick. Because if you are, chances are someone is going to blog about it. And next time they might not be nice enough to not use your name.

Some photos from the second Urban Dictionary shoot...

Most of you probably recall the wildly popular "L-Bomb" video that's taken the internet by storm. (I think it's got like a 99% on Funny or Die, that's got to count for something.)

Well if you do, then you'll be glad to know that Pete and Josh are doing yet another humorous example of Urban Slang (and they're taking me and Gary along for the ride!)

Next up: Premature Evacuation, and if you don't know what that means, don't fret, there will soon be a video to explain it to you! The shoot was loads of fun, and counts officially as my first on-camera sex scene. Thank God it was funny, because that cut extremely into the awkwardness.



Although I've got to say the best part about filming a sex scene is that you basically get to nap in between shots. In fact here is a photo of Gary doing just that, while I text The Boyfriend, because how often do you get to text your boyfriend while in bed with another man and have it NOT be skanky?




Other exotic locations for this shoot include an air mattress in Josh's office, but the most fun was the day we did the club scene, and Gary and I got down with a bunch of extras and drank flat soda to the sounds of Pandora Radio's "Techno" station.


Everyone who helped out for the whole shoot got actual free drinks at the end, but it was worth it just to see Gary wearing that shirt...



Video coming soon! And it's going to be a good one!

Back to the Grind

The completely insane, arduous task of being in two Manhattan Rep One Acts at the same time has finally come to an end.

Sorry I couldn't squeeze out at least one blog entry during production, but honestly, you're lucky I left the house wearing pants every day during the month of September.

To be honest, drama aside, it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I didn't get to sleep past 9am AT ALL all month (I am not used to this), and I was running around the city with a big giant bag full or crap (be it props, costumes or clothing so I could stay at The Boyfriend's house) almost every day, and by the end I forgot what Best Friend Jen's face looked like, but I managed to keep my sanity. I'm proud to report that I made rent with no problem, thanks mainly to the fact that I picked up double shifts wherever I could. (Thanks Christine!)

Favorite day: Thursday September 22nd

• Lunch shift at The Restaurant from 10am to 5pm.
  
• Straight to Manhattan Rep (42nd and 8th) for the 6:30 performance of The Mechanicals
• 8:30pm: After the show, we go to a bar for a celebratory toast. I order a shot of Southern Comfort, toast to the production, suck it down, throw down cash and then run to the Subway
• Rehearsal for Dust in the Wind on 96th and Lex until 11pm.
• 45 minute train ride home to Queens
  
• Work in the morning. 10am
  

I am a Golden God.

From an email from the director of the Manhattan Repertory Theatre

Both shows were so much fun, though very different. I loved "The Mechanicals" because it was light-hearted and silly, and didn't take itself too seriously. And I loved "Dust in the Wind" because it was dramatic and arresting (I got to choke to death at the end--very cool)

In the end, "The Mechanicals" made it to the final round. There were four shows in the finals. Each show is in a performance series of about four or five One-Acts, and audience members assign them a rating from 1 to 5, 1 being bad, and 5 being the best. For the finals, the four shows with the highest numbered scores were chosen. Of the three other shows chosen for the finals, two had been in the same performance series as "The Mechanicals" and the third had been in the same performance series as "Dust in the Wind." So I knew everyone in the finals.

This was how I knew it was going to be fun.

We didn't win, but the whole night was so much fun anyway. At the end, Manhattan Rep had wine and champagne for us, and we had a little party.

And a bunch of us ended up going to Koreatown and renting a private karaoke room, complete with buckets of beer and a complimentary bottle of champagne.

Keep in mind for the future: If some bar ever gives you a complimentary bottle of champagne, you've ALREADY spent too much money.

Side note: My singing voice is either much better when I'm drunk, or I just THINK it is.

And NOW back to the grindstone. Next up on the agenda are a haircut and new headshots, so much of October is going to be spent making money and saving said money. But in the meantime I have about five or six hard copies of my current headshot left, so look for at least five or six more auditions in the near future!

To the castle!!

This Might Kill Me

It's official.

I've been cast in two of the shows in the Manhattan Rep One-Act Competition.

For a brief moment I considered doing both, and how frigging badass it would be if the rehearsal schedules worked out in such a way that I could do BOTH shows. I had this vision of me as this Super Actress, doing two shows at the same time, like Cynthia Nixon.

And then, inevitably, reality descended and I realized that I live in the real world. I have a job. I wait tables. And juggling ONE show with waiting tables is hard enough.

First of all, hurricane Irene closed The Restaurant for the first time in...all time, and I got screwed out of my two most lucrative shifts. So as of August 30th, the week I was doing these auditions, I was already a week behind in my rent. I would have to pick up some extra shifts just to avoid bouncing a check.

In order to do both these shows, I would have to give up half of my shifts. And "give up" is a misleading term, since they were all lunch shifts. Less money, and you have to get up early. Sometimes you have to bribe people to take them. That would leave me with only Saturday and Sunday to work, and the only day I would be able to pick up would be Monday. And Monday was not a very good day when it comes to money.

And then the other reality hit me.

I hadn't been in a show since "Work: A Play," which had been months ago.

The landlord to whom I owed rent is my father, and though he's always taken a very firm stance with me on my choice to live in poverty, would never throw me out on the street.

And finally, and most importantly...

I did not go to school to be a waitress.

I did not bust my ass for four years, and then another four out on the streets of Manhattan to smile at your dumb jokes and scurry off for another basket of bread that you're not going to eat, since you've ordered way too much food anyway. I'm not working for $5 an hour plus tips, refilling your Shirley Temple because I'm passionate about assisting people on their path to diabetic shock.

By my sweet Lord in Heaven, I am DOING THIS.

I'm doing BOTH shows. I'm working three days a week, and a double on Mondays if I can find someone to give me their Monday dinner. I'm stealing food from work, drinking water instead of buying iced tea, and sometimes I'm rehearsing for both shows in one day.

The day after my last performance of "The Mechanicals," I have to be back at the theater for the tech rehearsal of "Dust in the Wind." (And if you don't remember what a hassle tech rehearsals are, check out my entry on the tech for Work: A Play)

Today I worked a lunch shift. I needed what little money it was, and Thursday lunches are usually $100-$120 at The Restaurant. I was supposed to be at rehearsal for "The Mechanicals," but I couldn't find anyone willing to cover the shift. It was okay though, I couldn't work again until Saturday, so I could really use the $100.

But this week school starts again. No one is on vacation, and it was EXTREMELY slow. We ended up making only about $60. I came home almost in tears. I was really counting on that $100 to be able to pay my VISA bill next week.

And just when I thought this might have been a bad idea, I checked my mail, and there was the check for my background work for Girlhattan.

40 bucks for work done months ago. Bringing today's earnings to $100.

Sometimes...just sometimes, I get the feeling that someone is watching out for me.

When you got nothin', you got nothin' to lose.

Two days after the last audition I wrote about, "Dust in the Wind," I had another audition for a fun play called, "The Mechanicals," about a group of high school students putting on a production of Midsummer Night's Dream. The director had sent me sides and it looked really funny.

Then, the evening before the audition, I got a phone call from Dorit, the writer and director of "Dust in the Wind."

I got the role!

I haven't done a show since "Work: a Play," so I was really, really excited. But I was bummed that I wouldn't get to go to the "Mechanicals" audition, so I emailed the director and explained the situation, and told him when the show would be performing. I figured even if I was no longer available, I might still be able to audition, maybe they'd like me and keep me in mind for other things. He told me to come in anyway.

I got there early, was the first one there, and had the good fortune to run into the director and the audition monitors while they were setting up, so I got to introduce myself. I sat outside the room while two other people came in for their audition slots, which were before mine, and I read over the scene.

I was reading for the girl who got cast as Hermia, checking the posted list with her best friend, who didn't get into the show, and the fight that ensued. Towards the end of the fight she's supposed to look at the list to find the name of the girl playing Helena. The stage direction was "quickly glances at the board."

But as I was standing outside the room, about to go in, I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be funny if I couldn't find her name right away, and the fight comes to a screeching halt while I'm looking for it?"

It was risky. I would be going against a specific stage direction (the director was also the writer) and I would be bringing the momentum of the fight (which would have been building the entire time) to a complete halt. It would either be hilarious, or completely ruin my audition.

But then I realized that chances are, I can't even do this show in the first place because of the one I'm already doing. So what's the use of playing it safe if I'm not trying my best to get them to like me? I'm just going to do something funny. So I decided to stick with the pause until SOMEONE laughed.

I got into the room and I could tell my read was going well. They were chuckling at all the right places. Then I got to the pause (right before my last line) and instead of glancing at the board, I turned to the front of the room and stared blankly, moving my eyes from left to right as if reading very quickly, all to COMPLETE silence.

The briefest of "uh-ohs" entered my mind until finally, someone laughed.

Then I turned back to my scene partner and said the last line, but was completely drowned out by laughter.

I had a brief conversation with the director after my read in which we discussed my conflicts and availability. He was concerned because one of the performances for "Dust in the Wind" was the same day as one of the performances for "The Mechanicals." I explained that "Dust in the Wind" was part of the Manhattan Repertory Fall One-Act Play Competition. So the conflicting performance would only happen if the show got to the final round of the contest.

As soon as I said it was part of the Manhattan Rep Contest, he looked at me and said, "So is this."

We started talking about specific dates, and rehearsal times, and work schedules.

He sent me on my way and told me I'd know for sure by Sunday. I walked out onto the street and started laughing, pretty sure I'd just been cast in two shows at the same time.

Audition Log: 8/29/11

Dust in the Wind
Written and directed by Dorit Katzenelenbogen

About three years ago I did this acting workshop with a bunch of people from the City University of New York community. I'm lucky enough to have a lot of friends from CUNY Queens because my best friend from High School happened to go there. So when I came home from SUNY New Paltz (State University of New York--ooh, fancy) I would hang out with him and his friends.

And his girlfriend.

Yeah.

That's how I roll.

Anyway, shortly after I graduated and came back to the city, a bunch of us started a "workshop," which was basically just us getting together to read monologues we wanted to use for auditions, scenes we'd written, or stuff we'd just always wanted to do.

So when I saw the name of one of the young ladies who attended that workshop on a casting notice in Backstage, I thought to myself, "Man, how many Dorit Katzenelenbogens are there in the world? It's got to be her."

The play is a one-act that's being put on as part of a competition, and I got an audition for 9:45pm last night, as what I'm sure was one of the last auditions for the piece.

Unfortunately when I got there the door was locked.

But someone came down, leaving after a long day of doing something else that they do in that building, and I got in.
The audition went well, and we actually spent most of the time chatting and catching up. I left feeling upbeat, and optimistic, and got on the elevator to go from the third floor to the lobby...

And BOOM! The elevator shoots straight down to the basement and BOUNCES. I'm pretty sure I've just experienced Biggest Fear # 1 of 3: Falling in an elevator (#2: Vomiting in public, #3: Zombies). The doors did not open, and buttons pushed yielded no response whatsoever. But after a second, the lobby button lit up again, and the elevator went up and opened.

I shot out of that sucker and was down the street at the bar within five minutes.

If I get the part, awesome. But I consider myself lucky to be alive regardless.

Bring it on, Irene

Negative Nancy and The Floater

Background work is kind of a thankless job. It's a little different if you're doing it on a professional television show, like when I did Rescue Me, or even the work I did on "Girlhattan" a few weeks ago. When you're surrounded by people who really know what they're doing, and manage their time well, it's definitely an easier experience.

But when you're doing background on a low-budget, non-Union project, you have to expect a certain number of things:

1. If it said it's going to be a 4 to 6 hour shoot, expect a 6 to 8 hour shoot at the very least. Don't make plans.
2. You will be sitting around doing a lot of nothing.
3. They might not feed you.

Yesterday I did work on a non-Union film. We filmed in Greenpoint, Brooklyn and we were supposed to be hipsters. So I tucked my tightest jeans into some boots, threw on a vest and a skinny belt and I was on my way.

And I'm happy to report that they did feed us. There was quite a spread actually. Water, iced tea, soda and Capri Sun. Chips, peanut butter and jelly, Oreos, chips and a hell of a lot of candy. Our call time was 10am, but the director was shooting a couple of scenes with the principal actors first. So we did end up sitting around for a while before we were actually used. A lot of people were getting frustrated.

I wasn't frustrated. It is what it is. There were like 50 extras, and you don't want that many people arriving while you're in the middle of shooting another scene, especially if it's taking longer than expected. So it sucks that we were just sitting there for a while, but whatever. I ran into a former classmate of mine, so she and I hung out.

This is a picture of me and Flannery, looking bored.

And then we had pizza!

Enter Negative Nancy.

When we finally do begin to set up for our scene, they put me at the end of the bar, next to this older guy, and they give us fake drinks (orange juice and water--yum). So I turn to the guy next to me and try to strike up a conversation.

I say, "What's up, man?"
He says, "I don't want to be here. I want to go home. But I figured, you know, I'll come down and help them out, but this is just ridiculous. It's taking forever."

Blink.

Okay, Negative Nancy. I asked him if he knew the people involved in the production. You know, since he said, "I'll come down and help them out." But no. The reason he sees his being there as doing the production a favor was because he's SAG. (In other words, part of the Union--the Screen Actors Guild)

So then he proceeds to go on an on at length about all the perks he's supposed to be getting because he's SAG. He should have been placed nearer to the camera, he should have gotten better food, they were supposed to notify him if they were going to be using smoke.

And you know what? He may be right, the production may not have complied with SAG rules, but it does happen. And that wasn't my problem. My problem was that he

Just.

Kept.

Complaining.

And every time he complained, he rounded it out with, "but I'm not going to complain." Meaning "I'm not going to complain to anyone involved in the production, but you young lady are going to get a damn ear full."

My saving grace came when they switched to a tighter lens and we were no longer visible at the end of the bar, so they moved us. But he was still right next to me! I could not escape. Luckily, I now had a few more people to talk to rather than him.

And this is when I almost killed him. He walks over to the snack table and puts down his prop drink (a fake rum and coke in a glass with ice and a lime) and picks up a plastic cup and a Capri Sun, and walks back into the shot with it. SO UNPROFESSIONAL.

He continues to complain about what time it is, and how long the shoot has taken, and says "I bet we don't even get that I.B.D. thing."

"That I.B.D. thing" refers to the imdb (internet movie database) credit we were supposed to receive for working on the film. So not only are you the most unprofessional Union actor I've ever met, you don't even know the correct name of the biggest film database in creation?

He said, "But I'm not going to complain" one more time and I said, "Really? Because it doesn't seem like you're doing anything else."

I mean really, you're not doing what we were told to do. He kept talking during shots when we were supposed to be pantomiming dialogue because the mics were picking up too much noise. Just leave! If this were my movie, I would rather not have someone than run the risk that they were going to mess up my shots.

And Negative Nancy wasn't the only glaring example of unprofessional behavior on set. There was also:

The Floater:

This man tried everything to be on camera. Though all of us were placed specifically, this guy decided to walk around the room, even coming to stand in front of me when I was clearly in the line of the camera.

He kept hanging around behind the lead actress, looking like the unpopular kid hanging around the cool people at a party, hoping to become part of the conversation.

When this movie is finished, I won't be surprised if you can see him in every single shot.

Listen people, background work sucks in many many ways. Especially in a scene that's so big you know there's no way you'll be able to see yourself. But it's much, much more important to be professional.

At one point, two of the crew members were talking.

Crew Member 1: "Do you have the number of the woman who coordinated all the background people?"
Crew Member 2: "Yeah, why?"
Crew Member 1: "There's one guy here. He's never coming back to set again."

I can only hope they were talking about either Negative Nancy or The Floater. But they sure as Hell weren't talking about me.

Fit

An important part of being an actor in this unforgiving city is having actor friends around you to be supportive of you. After all, what good is doing a show if none of your friends come to see it?

I've been lucky enough to have some amazing actor friends, almost all of whom are not douches. And two of the most non-douchey friends I have are Harmony and Lauren.

Harmony (left) is my college roommate's cousin. I'd met her once or twice when she came to a party a the house Cate and I shared in New Paltz, and when she moved to the city, Cate gave her my number and I helped get her a job at The Restaurant (a crime I'll always be seeking redemption for).

Since then she and I have become whatever the female equivalent of "bros" is (my first instinct is "hoes" but that doesn't sound right, so I'm just going to go with "bros"). The multitude of Facebook photos of us hanging out has never ceased to freak Cate out.

Lauren (right) and I both graduated at the same time, me from New Paltz and her from Miami, and we both started working at The Restaurant at the same time. Both of us were kind of alone in the city, with our college besties in different states, so we grabbed onto each other by the arm and decided to be Replacement Best Friends.

Since then our "best friends" have come back into our lives, and Lauren and I have graduated from Replacement Best Friends to Actual Friends.

So... I've had cause to be pretty jealous in the last few weeks, because Harmony and Lauren are in a show together right now. I saw it last night, and I have to say I'm very proud of my lovely lady friends.

The show is called "Fit," and it's part of the NY Fringe Festival. They got just a critic's pick on Backstage, and a lovely review (including a big ol' picture of Lauren talking to her baby).

Both of them are doing Scottish accents, and rocking them! The story is about three generations of women, a grandmother, a mother and a daughter, all of whom are twenty years old when the play takes place. Lauren plays Fiona, the grandmother who at twenty years old is a wife and mother in a tiny flat in Glasgow. Harmony is her daughter Lauren (ha!) who at twenty is rebelling against her mother's conventional lifestyle.

It's an interesting thing when you go see your friends in a meaty role with a lot of drama, and realize that they're really good. Both of them made me cry, and I'm planning on seeing it again next week, and dragging The Boyfriend as well!

Here's a review from nytheatre.com!

More Photos from the Urban Dictionary set...

This shot also took place in the Waldorf. It was one of those fancy, dream sequence shots where the camera holds on a face and the room is spinning in the background. Only, we didn't have the right kind of equipment, so we just worked with what we had.

We got a baggage cart from the bellhops, and clamped the camera to one side so it wouldn't move. Then I got on it and hung off the side while Josh and Gary spun it around.

It was a lot of fun, but left me extremely dizzy afterwards.

And I'm pretty sure the hotel staff was a bit suspect about why we needed this. Also why Gary was wearing a gold shirt.

Urban Slang, Episode Two

Gary and I just started shooting the next Urban Slang short with Pete and Josh. And since the L-Bomb got such a great response, I can't wait for this one to be done!

The shoot is a little more complicated. We need to find a bar or a nightclub for one of the shoots, and since we have no budget and are relying only on people who love us, this is a little tricky. But it's a huge amount of fun.

Our first shoot was at the Presidential Suite of the Waldorf Towers. You needed a key to use the elevator. Two of my friends were in the shoot as well, and they saw Ben Kingsley on their way up to the room. I was like, "How did I even get in here?"

It was absolutely gorgeous. And for a small shining moment, I pretended that I was an important enough person to actually stay in one of these rooms.

Last week Josh and Pete screened the L-Bomb for over 500 people. The Youtube video has over 1300 views in 3 months, and the Funny or Die page has almost another 300, with a 96% vote saying it's funny. Huzzah!

So I'm extremely excited that we're continuing with the series, in the midst of shooting and editing the pilot, Max August: Private Eye, which is the entire reason I got involved with these guys in the first place.


After I wrapped, before I left the hotel for the day, I went into the bedroom and jumped on the bed. I figured it was my last chance to jump on the bed in a Presidential Suite.

I mean, here's hoping it's not, but it might be.

Open Calls

Every once in a while I decide that going to an Open Call is a good idea, even though it means waking up at 5am, standing in line for six hours, and then singing for less that a minute, trying to stand out in a group of 700 people.

This morning, the new production of Godspell on Broadway is holding an open call. Like, a true open call. No union affiliation will be given priority. It's first come, first serve, from 10am to 5pm.

10am? I decided to get there at 6am.

Unfortunately everyone else decided this was a Justin Beiber concert, and camped out overnight, and by the time I got out there, there were already over 200 people on the sign-up sheet.

And if I had all day, that wouldn't be too much of a problem, but I have a pilot to shoot today. So I came back home, got McDonald's breakfast, and returned the concept of the Open Call back to the "just out of college" years of my career.

The Danger of Wanting It

If you've ever been unemployed for any great stretch of time, then you know the worst part about looking for a new job is going on that great interview where everything seems to fit together, and then never hearing back from the job. Ever.

And if you have a friend who is an actor, and you've complained about this to them, you've probably gotten a knowing smirk and a nod. Because trust me, we understand how that feels. I've been going on auditions for almost four years and I can count on one hand the number of times I've been contacted when I didn't get the part.

It's not the fault of the auditioners, of course. Too many people audition or submit for each role for there to be time to call every single person not being cast. And these people don't have assistants, they're doing everything themselves. I know if I'd just spent 9 hours sitting in a plastic folding chair for two days straight watching two hundred bitches murder the Spoon River Anthology in a small windowless room, the girls not being cast would be lucky not to be getting kicked in the teeth for wasting my time.

That being said, I pride myself on being very good at keeping my eye on the ball. I don't come out of every audition waiting on pins and needles to hear that I got the part. I don't sit at home on a Friday night waiting for the phone to ring, I make sure I'm out at the club the very next night, mackin' it to the honeys.

But every once in a while I'll lose my shit a little bit. Some audition will come along and before you know it I'm imagining myself married to it, with a house on Long Island and a bunch of little babies running around the pool deck with those big foam noodle things. Such was the case last week, with an audition and callback that I thought went very well.

So well in fact, that when I went in for the callback, the director smiled, said "Hey sweetie, great to see you again," and told me that my read was excellent. Needless to say, I walked out and immediately called my boyfriend to tell him I thought it was in the bag. All that was left to do was put my feet up and wait for the phone to ring.

The next day I still hadn't heard anything, but I didn't worry. After all, I don't know how late into Thursday night callbacks had gone, they might be waiting a day or two to start letting people know. But I had thoroughly convinced myself that I would be getting a call, so I tried to get on with my life.

Unfortunately that meant checking my email obsessively every ten minutes.

By Sunday night, every good thing I'd done at the audition was forgotten and I'd convinced myself I was utterly wrong for the part. I was too young, and too mature. My read was too sentimental, but didn't get to an emotional enough place. My eyes were too blue, but not blue enough.

Monday morning I realized I'm an idiot. If I got it, it's because I got it. And if I didn't it's because of any number of other reasons that have nothing to do with me.

It is now Tuesday. A week from the initial audition. So now, I'm taking a deep breath, and letting it go. I'm moving on to the next thing, and keeping my eye on the ball.

My Mother Should Be My Press Agent

She found this video on YouTube, which is from a promotional shoot for a movie called "Evil Things," which is about 5 college students who disappear during a weekend vacation.

For the shoot we were asked to create a character associated with one of the missing students and improvise for a minute or so.

This is what I did:

Huck Finn and The Five Boons

Saturday I filmed my scene for "Huck Finn and the Five Boons," an upcoming film from AstroLab Films.

Here's what AstroLab has to say about the film:

"This year, on the centennial of Twain's death, a new version of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn was published replacing the word 'nigger' with 'slave,' just the latest step in the book's turbulent history. As one of the ten most censored books of the twentieth century, Huck Finn has endured it all. Huck Finn and the Five Boons combines Mark Twain's most treasured character with one of his most fantastical short stories, coincident with the centennial of the author's death and the publication of his long-suppressed autobiography. Huck Finn and Mark Twain himself must confront what it means to lose control of their narrative and their lives as they experience the audience's interest, love, anger, and even apathy."

Of all the film work I've been doing lately, this one was by far the most intriguing script, and definitely the most professional set. The shoot was extremely long (counting travel time, almost 18 hours) but I had so much fun I hardly even noticed.

I can't wait to see the finished project, and will continue to post updates on the project as they become available. In the meantime, they are looking for donors, so visit their website if you would like to help!

Work: A Play

The above is one of the video segments from Work: A Play, which just wrapped up its fist weekend, and has three more performances coming up this Thursday, Friday and Saturday at 8pm.

And we've gotten some pretty good reviews as well:

"Poignant and hilarious... a fun show with lots of strange characters and lots of action... Get down there and check this one out." -NYTheatre.com

"A fantastically talented cast... fun stuff... if you're in a job that feels 'Powerpointless,' escape the fluorescent lights and retreat into the comforting darkness of UNDER St. Marks." - Show Business Weekly


So don't miss you last three chances to come and see this awesome show! You can get tickets right here!

And visit No Tea Productions for more information!

Theatre is my religion...

My third show with No Tea Productions, "Work: A Play" opens up on April 28th, and so the Sunday before Opening Night is our Tech Rehearsal.

For those of you who do not know what a Tech Rehearsal is, see below. If you already do, you may scroll down:

10:00 am Sunday Morning
You arrive at the theatre in which you will be doing your show. Often, this is the first time you will be in that theatre, as opposed to a rehearsal studio.

You have coffee and possibly donuts with the other members of your cast, and talk about how tired you are.

10:30am-11:00am
You get into your costume, and do your hair, and spend the next few minutes ooh-ing and ah-ing at everybody's funny costumes.

11:00am-2:00pm
You start to "Tech" the show. Meaning, you begin to run the scenes with lighting, sound, and any other technical elements. For the meat of the scenes, where the lighting doesn't change or there are no sound of lighting effects, you skip the dialogue.

In Tech, you take a backseat to the technical elements of the show. You spend a lot of time standing around, talking in hushed tones while your director and stage manager talk to the designers, and try to fix the lighting. Then they tell you to stand slightly to the left, or to the right, to get the brightest light on your face.

2:00pm
Lunch

3:00pm-8:00pm
You keep doing the same thing until eventually you've gotten through the whole show. And then, hopefully you have enough time to run the show with lighting and sound.

8:00pm (or perhaps later if things have not gone well)
You emerge, blinking into the night, remembering that at one point, the sun had been out, but your lunch break seems like a pretty distant memory. You gather your junk, and head straight to the bar.

10:00pm
Tequila.

1:00am
Sleep.

In a show like Work, with video segments covering most of the transitions between scenes, Tech is no doubt going to be a huge flaming ball of complications and short tempers.

I love Tech. You come out of it like you've been in a fox-hole with the people in your show.


THEATRE PEOPLE WHO ALREADY KNOW OF THE RIGORS OF TECH, YOU MAY SKIP TO HERE!

So obviously, the Sunday before we open is our Tech rehearsal. It's in two weeks, on April 24th. I work lunch shifts on Sundays, but I got my rehearsal schedule in all good time, so I set about getting someone to switch a shift with me and cover the 24th. There's only one problem:

That's Easter Sunday.

Find me someone who will be willing to work at Angelo's* on Easter Sunday when they don't have to, and I'll show you someone who doesn't know what day of the week Easter Sunday is, but is probably going to try and get out of it as soon as they figure it out. They do those Italian Easter breads for the tables with the Easter Egg in the middle. It's cute for about five seconds, until whatever kids sitting at the table get a hold of it and pry the egg out, smashing it all over the table cloth.

The entire restaurant smells like egg.

Which kind of smells like farts.

Teching on Easter doesn't bother me. I'm not a religious person, and honestly the show means more to me than the holiday. I'm just worried I won't be able to find coverage, and will have to miss the first half of tech.

Someday, someday, someday I will not have to work in a restaurant.

In the meantime, though: Egg Bread.



*This is not the actual name of the restaurant I work in. But this is the internet, and I don't want anyone reading where I work and showing up at my job to stab me in the face.

The L-Bomb

In May I'm going to be shooting a pilot with Josh Apter and Pete Olsen, two very talented filmmakers (these are the guys who gave me beer at the audition- awesome).

I'm going to get to work with Peter Grosz, writer for the Colbert Report and winner of two Primetime Emmys, and my character is a total bitch, so I'm very excited.

But in the meantime, we decided to put together a little short film, to stretch our legs, try out some lenses and give us an excuse to hang out. It's done, and on Funny or Die.

Here's the YouTube video:

Give us all your money.

The IndieGoGo campaign for "Provocation" has raised over $1300 towards our $2000 goal, but we're not quite there yet!

Donations can be as little as $10

And while you've got your checkbook out, let me tell you about someone else who really needs your money.

My good friend Harmony Stempel is another struggling New York actress. In addition to the hustling bustling world of acting, she'd also spent the past few years working as an artist's model. And from her experiences she's collaborated on a show with playwright Andrea Kuchlewska. They're going to be bringing the show to Prague, to be performed in the Prague Fringe, directed by their good friend, Liam Billingham.

They can only go to Prague if they reach their fund-raising goal, so it's very important that people help if they can.

Visit their fund-raising site on Kickstarter.com to watch a video about the project. You can donate as little as a dollar to help them bring their show to Prague.

Think about how much you spend on fancy Starbucks coffee.

That reminds me, I want a latte.

If nothing else, I got a Clementine...

About a month ago I had an audition for a parody news show that I had to miss. I'd woken up that morning feeling really sick, but I was bummed that I missed it.

I sent them an email and told them to let me know if they were going to have any additional auditions, but I didn't think it was very likely.

Well, as it turns out, they did have a second round, and I had an audition for them this morning.

Went in with a pretty chill attitude, but when I sat down and actually started talking about the project with the two guys, I started to get a little nervous. It was starting to sound like a really exciting opportunity.

So I got nervous right before reading the script, and so I think my read was a little... amateur. It just felt a little Drama Class to me. But they had me read twice, and the second time was better. They gave me some good feedback, and I got an orange.

This comes on the heels of receiving a phone call last night informing me that I unfortunately did not make the second round of the National Anthem search, but oh well.

Rehearsals for the next No Tea show begin next Monday, and then I'm shooting a pilot in May. More info on that is forthcoming.

2011 Anthem Search at CitiField

A few days ago I received the most adorable message from my grandma.



So I figured what the heck.

I woke up at 5:30am, and I was so tired that I put the coffee beans in the part where the water's supposed to go. I only live about five minutes away from CitiField so I was there by 7. I was a little afraid that there weren't going to be a lot of people there. I just needed to be in the first one hundred, but if there were only ten people there, I was going to be PISSED that I woke up at 5:30.

There were a lot of people, but I thought it very likely that I was in the top one hundred, since there were a lot of parents there.

NY1 was there, which was extremely exciting.

And so I stood/sat outside of the stadium until 11am, when we slowly began to file in, ten at a time. I sang, I left, and on the way out they gave me two free tickets to a game in April.

I'll find out if I made the second round in the next week, but in the meantime, I was in the NY1 broadcast. I'm rifling through my purse 22 seconds in.

Trailer for Provocation

Yay! It's finally here! And it's gooooooood. After this long, it had better be good.

But seriously folks, it's up on a website called indiegogo, and we are raising money so that we can submit it to festivals. So if you can donate, you definitely should, but nonetheless, check out the awesome trailer!!!

IndieGoGo
IndieGoGo
IndieGoGo

I hope I'm not coming on too strong...

My Rock of Ages campaign marches on.

As it turns out, my very good friend Jen's cousin wrote the original musical, so I've made a video specifically targeted at him.

And last night, the director himself sent out a tweet confirming that they will be looking for unknown actors to play Drew and Sherrie.

Rock on.

My Shot At Sherrie

I need your help!

I've started an internet campaign to try and get the lead role in the film adaptation of the musical "Rock of Ages."

I figure I make an audition video, and I release it on the internet. If I can get as many people to watch it as possible, my hope is that it will eventually find its way into the hands of someone who can get me an audition or a meeting or SOMETHING.

Because, let's face it. Internet Video is kind of my thing. You know this, you've watched my videos before. Well, now I need you to send it around, get everyone you know to watch it. Let's all come together in support of my ridiculous dream!

Visit the website! Click the link below!

My Shot At Sherrie
My Shot At Sherrie
My Shot At Sherrie
My Shot At Sherrie

Shoots and Giggles

2011 is already turning out to be a pretty good year. Last Thursday I combined two of my New Year's resolutions: Get a reel, and actually do more New York-y things.

Because seriously, I've lived here all my life and I've only been to Central Park five times.

Well now, make that six. Josh, A.K.A. the guy who gave us pizza and beer at the audition for Max August, asked me to come out and shoot a short with him. Mainly because they got some lenses on loan and didn't have anything to use them on. So he grabbed me and Gary (whose back is pictured at left) to put together a little short while they're developing Max August.

We went to Central Park (so that makes six) and walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, which I have never done, but have been saying "I should" for the past year. Our bridge shoot was at sundown--freakin' gorgeous.

My favorite part of filming something in public is everybody looking at you, trying to figure out if you're famous, and that moment when they realize, No, you're not important.

However, there was a young French girl with her parents on the Brooklyn Bridge, who must have been about thirteen, who made her parents stay and watch almost the entire shoot. Between one of the takes I looked over at her and stuck my tongue out and she laughed and said something to her mom in French.

We didn't end up getting all the shots we needed, so we're going to be continuing this week.

Then Sunday was my shoot for "Finding Me," with my lovely co-star Coco (yes, that is a real dog). This shoot was a lot of fun, but very indicative of the rigors of film acting.

I was up at 7am to get to Brooklyn by 9. The shots were all evening interior shots, so when I got there, the crew was taping black garbage bags over the windows to block out the daylight.

I was a supporting role, so I was not in a lot of the shots, so I spent a lot of time sitting in the dark. I kept falling asleep, and waking up just before I had to go on film.

The shoot was a lot of fun, and I got some really nice stuff, including a few tears. I'm really excited to get all of this stuff back and start putting together a reel. Next up, the second half of the short with Josh and Gary, and then a music video on Monday.

Huzzah.

"Hello life; This is what it feels like when I take you by the balls." -Jen

Upcoming Film shoots: 4

Sunday, February 20th
"Finding Me," Student film

Thursday, February 24th
"Keep the Party Going"

Monday, February 28th
Music video

And the Max August webseries, which is TBA sometime in April


Upcoming Auditions: 2

Sunday, February 13th
Student Film

Sunday, February 13th
Comedy news network

Hat Trick

I've had three auditions in the past two weeks. All of them have been for film projects, non-union, no pay. But I've been looking for stuff like that because I want to have a reel by the end of the year. A good reel, with high-quality clips that really showcase my abilities and talents.

Of those three roles, I've gotten all of them.

Every. Single. One.

I apologize for my hubris. But day-um.

The last couple of months, when it was getting cold, and auditions were pretty thin on the ground, I was having a motivation problem. I'd sit at home at night, watching YouTube clips of my favorite celebrities, talking about how they got started, and I'd feel incredibly frustrated that I was still stuck at home emailing my resume.

But I was hibernating, and I didn't want to do the work. I flaked out on a couple of auditions, though I felt like crap afterwards.

So now that holidays are over and there are plenty of auditions to go around, I've been trying this whole new, positive attitude thing.

While I'm on the subway, taking my hour-long trip for my five-minute audition, I'll listen to "Lose Yourself" by Eminem, and think to myself, "I have to buy groceries, and go to the bank, and call my Mom... but first I'm going to go get this role."

And apparently, that train of thought is working.

So now, I have two projects filming in the next couple of weeks, and one around April. And in the meantime, plenty more auditions.

I Have A Theory...

If you are at an audition, and the people running that audition offer you a beer, they are testing you, in order to find out how Awesome you are.

Because a director who offers you beer at an audition is surely Awesome, and only actors of an equal or greater level of Awesomeness can work under such Awesome direction.

So, when I turn in for the night and look back on my accomplishments for the day, will I be happy with the level of Awesomeness that I attained?

Indeed I will.

The audition was for a promo for a mock-umentary webseries. It's similar to The Office, it chronicles the production of a reality show. The audition was unconventional, but really fun.

We all arrived at the same time, and though we went into the room either one or two at a time, the majority of my time there was spent sitting with all the other actors, hanging out. They bought us pizza, soda, and (the aforementioned) beer.

The actual audition was great, too. They gave me a scenario and let me improvise it. I was supposed to be some tough-as-nails production manager with tattoos.

I cannot stress how much I want to wear temporary facial tattoos.

The Importance of Being Polite

My parents taught me a few valuable things in life. Always hold onto the banister when you go down the stairs, don't run by the pool, and good manners are hard to come by.

I had an audition today to be a featured extra in a film. Now, I've had a few chances to do extra work in the past couple of weeks, but for no money, in the kind of weather we've been having, I've passed. But this one was for a "Featured Extra" (with a name!) and they were asking me to come audition, so I figured there was probably more substance to this one.

I walked into the room and shook the Director's hand. On the far side of the room was the Producer, and between us, laid out on the floor were about 25 head shots. I felt a momentary hesitation at the thought of possibly stepping on some girl's face, but I pushed through and stepped over to shake the Producer's hand.

In that momentary lull, the Director glanced down at my resume-- which he later told me he hadn't been doing throughout auditions until the girl had left the room.

He saw that I had "Impressions" listed on my special skills. So instead of just asking me a few questions about my experience and schedule, like they'd been doing for the other girls, he asked me to do an impression.

I did Gilbert Gottfried.

They ended up having me do several more, tell jokes, and do stand-up, and while I was in the room, they developed a character for me. So now, instead of being an Extra in a bar scene, I am going to be a comedian performing during a separate scene in which everyone is watching a show.

Which means lines, more screen time, and a high-quality recording of my Gilbert Gottfried impression to put on my reel.

And all because I shook hands.

To The Celebrities, Writers and Producers I Follow On Twitter, at Whom I Have Tweeted a Link to the "White Thunder" Video:

No matter what I said (in 140 characters or less) to make it seem like I selflessly wanted you to spend a few minutes enjoying a hilarious video for no other reason than to have a good chuckle, I did it so that you would think I was the shit, fly me out to LA and put me on whatever show you are affiliated with.

Your move.

Finally Settling Into My Type

Just got cast in a student film for the Digital Film Academy. The role? Drumroll please….

The funny best friend.

Booyah.

The audition was actually a great ego boost, too. They had seen “How to Give People Your Business Card,” on my Backstage multimedia resume, and decided that I had the exact energy that they wanted. My actually coming in to audition was really more of a formality.

V. exciting. I mentally flash-forwarded to a time in which I am a humongous star, and no longer have to “audition” for things. Instead I’m having meetings, like on Entourage before Vince started his dating-a-porn-star downward spiral. My fictional agent on the phone, driving in a car with the top down, yelling, "Michele McNally doesn't audition. Don't you know who Michele McNally is?"

On a more professional note: After this is shot I should have enough material for a decent reel. So perhaps that fantasy is a little bit closer to reality.

Oh but who shall be my Turtle?