This Might Kill Me

It's official.

I've been cast in two of the shows in the Manhattan Rep One-Act Competition.

For a brief moment I considered doing both, and how frigging badass it would be if the rehearsal schedules worked out in such a way that I could do BOTH shows. I had this vision of me as this Super Actress, doing two shows at the same time, like Cynthia Nixon.

And then, inevitably, reality descended and I realized that I live in the real world. I have a job. I wait tables. And juggling ONE show with waiting tables is hard enough.

First of all, hurricane Irene closed The Restaurant for the first time in...all time, and I got screwed out of my two most lucrative shifts. So as of August 30th, the week I was doing these auditions, I was already a week behind in my rent. I would have to pick up some extra shifts just to avoid bouncing a check.

In order to do both these shows, I would have to give up half of my shifts. And "give up" is a misleading term, since they were all lunch shifts. Less money, and you have to get up early. Sometimes you have to bribe people to take them. That would leave me with only Saturday and Sunday to work, and the only day I would be able to pick up would be Monday. And Monday was not a very good day when it comes to money.

And then the other reality hit me.

I hadn't been in a show since "Work: A Play," which had been months ago.

The landlord to whom I owed rent is my father, and though he's always taken a very firm stance with me on my choice to live in poverty, would never throw me out on the street.

And finally, and most importantly...

I did not go to school to be a waitress.

I did not bust my ass for four years, and then another four out on the streets of Manhattan to smile at your dumb jokes and scurry off for another basket of bread that you're not going to eat, since you've ordered way too much food anyway. I'm not working for $5 an hour plus tips, refilling your Shirley Temple because I'm passionate about assisting people on their path to diabetic shock.

By my sweet Lord in Heaven, I am DOING THIS.

I'm doing BOTH shows. I'm working three days a week, and a double on Mondays if I can find someone to give me their Monday dinner. I'm stealing food from work, drinking water instead of buying iced tea, and sometimes I'm rehearsing for both shows in one day.

The day after my last performance of "The Mechanicals," I have to be back at the theater for the tech rehearsal of "Dust in the Wind." (And if you don't remember what a hassle tech rehearsals are, check out my entry on the tech for Work: A Play)

Today I worked a lunch shift. I needed what little money it was, and Thursday lunches are usually $100-$120 at The Restaurant. I was supposed to be at rehearsal for "The Mechanicals," but I couldn't find anyone willing to cover the shift. It was okay though, I couldn't work again until Saturday, so I could really use the $100.

But this week school starts again. No one is on vacation, and it was EXTREMELY slow. We ended up making only about $60. I came home almost in tears. I was really counting on that $100 to be able to pay my VISA bill next week.

And just when I thought this might have been a bad idea, I checked my mail, and there was the check for my background work for Girlhattan.

40 bucks for work done months ago. Bringing today's earnings to $100.

Sometimes...just sometimes, I get the feeling that someone is watching out for me.