How frightening it is to try...

I guess when you sit around your apartment watching TV, waiting for your big break to come to you, even if you don't say it outright to yourself, in the back of your mind you can justify your lack of accomplishment by the fact that you haven't gone on more than an audition a month for the past two years.

Once you start going, and trying and getting yourself out there, the "Well I'm not really trying" place becomes the, "I must not be good enough" place.

A bit scary.

Not true, obviously. But a bit scary nonetheless.

Not auditioning was a great way for me to escape noticing how bad I am at auditioning. I hope I'm getting better. By January I hope to be confident enough to do one of those seminars where you audition for a bunch of agents at once. It costs money though, which is why I'm not doing it until I know I can rock out.

In the meantime, besides the "You Suck" Bunnies that creep into my consciousness from time to time, I'm feeling good. I think something is about to happen to me. Speaking of which, I received an email a few weeks ago that I forgot to blog about in my Audition fury.

It was from a director/visual artist who is doing a piece on what it costs to be an actor. And not just emotionally, but literally. The focus of his piece is going to be on headshots, cover letters and resumes. Things that actors pay to have printed and spend money sending out to agents who just throw most of them out.

My headshot (probably my old black and white one) has come across his collection and he's going to be including it in the exhibition. It's very exciting to know that I'm going to be a part of this art exhibit! At least if my headshot got thrown away, it's not going to waste!

And he also said he read my blog, which he thought talked about the business in a "totally direct, honest and hopeful way." It was very nice to know that my mom and Jen Whitton aren't the only ones who read this.

His name is David Levine, and the show is going to be at Cabinet Magazine's exhibition space in Brooklyn from October 3rd until October 24th. Here's the link:

David Levine: Hopeful

Hmm...only a month into my 24th year and I'm already one step closer to global fame.