Fail.

This morning was the Equity Principal Audition for "Catch Me if You Can," a new musical based on the film starring Tom Hanks and Leonardo DiCaprio.

I was really happy that my jury duty was only yesterday, because the EPAs are spanning Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and I'm going to have a rehearsal for "Slice of Life" tomorrow. So today was the only day I could have gone on the audition. My friend Jocelyn told me about the audition because she thought I would be really great for the role of the nurse, which Amy Adams played in the movie. I agreed, and I was really excited about the audition.

I went to bed at 9:30 last night. I fell asleep watching "Family Guy," and when my alarm went off this morning at 6am, it wasn't a struggle to get out of bed at all.

But I was sitting there on the edge of my bed, thinking about going to this audition, and I just couldn't do it.

I just started thinking about all the EPAs and Equity Chorus Calls I've been to, and how I never get seen, and I was so far behind. I spent the last two years out of college slacking off, and if I'd actually worked hard, I could BE equity by now.

But rather than put a fire under my ass and get me out of bed, in a dress and off to the audition, this thought made me feel completely hopeless. Like there was absolutely no point in my going to this audition because there was no shot at my being seen. And even if I did get seen, the minute they flipped my resume over and saw the number of roles with "SUNY New Paltz" listed next to them, they wouldn't even pay attention to me.

That is assuming I actually started on the right note for my song, breathed correctly or stayed focused on my objective throughout the entire minute and a half.

I did not go.

I folded inward into the Ball of Suck that I am.

And later I totally regretted it, obviously. Because you can't judge an audition before you actually go. I am a complete moron for letting my insecurities win, and I thought for a long time about just pretending it never happened. I wasn't going to post about it or anything.

But then I realized I have to post about it.

It might not seem like a big deal to skip out on one audition, but it is. The more I just skip out and think, "Meh, it's just one audition, I probably wasn't going to get it anyway," the more time I am wasting. This Michele, is what you have been doing for the past two years, and you know what, IT DIDN'T REALLY WORK FOR YOU.

The "Catch Me if You Can" Equity Chorus Call is on Friday.

GO.