Huzzah! Another blog about the crippling uncertainty of life...

Please forgive the title, as it was written by my 7th grade self. The same one who wore a spiked dog collar and fishnet stockings to Take Your Daughter to Work Day.

Mom, you deserve a medal.

If you've been wondering, "How are things with Michele?" THEY BLOW.

The Job is reaching the end of a post-Hoiliday Season hiatus, which at one point was looked upon as a well-earned break. We were so nuts during the Holidays that at one point I did 18 shows in 4 days.

It was also a nice opportunity for my Second Job to start, at one of those theme restaurants that hire actors to walk around in character and interact with the customers. I'd been so busy with the Holiday show that I hadn't been able to start training in the last few weeks of December when everyone else did.

LONG STORY SHORT: When I finally heard from the Second Job, it was the news that due to unforseen circumstances, two female characters had been eliminated from the show, so though I and a few other ladies are still TECHNICALLY employed, there was no word on when we'd be able to train, or work.

Cue Depression

The money I'm making on unemployment is barely enough to pay the bills, and did I mention that The Boyfriend is unemployed as well (Hey, did you guys know there's some kind of economic crisis going on out there?)?

Thus began several days of lying on the couch, eating DiGiorno's pizza and watching Battlestar Gallactica. 

I was upset about one thing and one thing only: Though the New Job was resuming this month, it is by no means full-time. I needed the Second Job to be able to pay my bills, work down my debt and (oh, yeah) eat. I saw no alternative than to go back to the Restaurant Industry. And if THAT happened, I could no longer call myself a full time actor. THE HORROR.

Here's Where it Gets Better:

The other day, I was doing the dishes, feeling depressed, and being bummed out about how depressed I was. And then a thought occured to me; clear as day, as if I'd known it the whole time (which I probably did) and I just needed to remember it:

This was not an unfortunate setback in an otherwise on-track life. This was not a shocking surprise, like it had been when The Boyfriend got laid off. This was my life. And I could waste time being depressed about possibly having to wait tables again, or I could treat it like another audition: "Hmm, I thought that was going to go a different way, but oh well, on to the next thing."

It was nice, being able to say that all my income came from acting, and I didn't have to work in a restaurant or as a temp or any of the other jobs actors do to pay the rent. But let's face it; it wasn't THAT much income. It was JUST enough, and without The Boyfriend's support (both emotionally and financially) would NEVER have worked.

So... here's the plan:

1. Visit parents in Florida, curl up on Mom's lap for four days (sans dog collar)

2. Enjoy what shifts at The New Job you have, and relish the feeling of doing what you want to do, a few days a week at least.

3. If the Second Job calls, they call.

4. Suck it up

5. Find another job that doesn't make you hate your life, that is flexible, and makes you enough money to be able to afford your monthly MetroCard. 

I remember the feeling I had when I heard I'd been cast at the New Job, and I knew I could leave the Restaurant I'd worked at for the past five years. I'd walked out into Times Square and blasted this song on repeat: 

I still feel a whisper of it every time I walk into the dressing room, so I'm going to hang onto that one instead of the one that makes me too depressed to shower.

       

  

Leap; The Net Will Follow

Week one of my lack of a Day Job is over, and though I have a start date for the New Job, I have spent the entire week at home, staring at the walls.

Most of the days have been productive. I've been submitting for background work everywhere I see a listing, and working on my website and my reel and my resume and all sorts of productive things. I put up a new Wall of Inspiration, like the collage I had up in my old apartment and managed to save most of.

I've made myself a sizable To-Do list and I've been ticking things off one by one. I've started putting together a database of Casting Directors of projects that I enjoy and would like to be a part of, so that I can start becoming more familiar with the names I see popping up in Backstage and Playbill.com.

I cleaned the CRAP out of the apartment.

I made a list of Open-Mics around the city.

I feel good. Except for at night, after The Boyfriend has drifted off to sleep and I can see my swiftly dwindling bank-account projected onto the ceiling above my bed.

A couple of the days have been bad. My super-supportive Dad, who has been self-employed and working out of a home office since I was in second grade, sent me an email with all the guidelines on How to be Successfully Self-Employed. Number One on the list is: Get Dressed.

Some days I did not get dressed.

I am far too much of an ambitious freak to enjoy a "vacation" of any kind. I've come to terms with this.

BUT today is a GOOD DAY.

Today I know when my first rehearsal is for the New Job, and today I booked background work for tomorrow! And even as I was text messaging Best Friend Jen to tell her I wouldn't be able to come with her to IKEA, I got a phone call and booked ANOTHER background job for Tuesday.

Today I only hit snooze TWICE and am totally aware that I am incredibly lucky to have such a supportive Boyfriend, Mother, Father, Brother, future Sister-in-Law, Best Friend Jen, Best Friend Cate, Ma and Popi and incredible professional colleagues such as Harmony Stempel, (who just mounted her One-Woman show in NYC) to inspire me.

Today is a good day.